I was told to do something constructive today

So here I am updating this blog. There are some reasons I've been gone followed by me period of "I'll do it tomorrow," But you aren't here for excuses. You're here for advice.

I have some messages that I need to get to, but after that... I got nothin'. That's where you come in. If you e-mail miss.k.i.a.gapb[at]gmail[dot]com, I can answer your questions in this blog. Relationships, family, friends, what color to paint he house--whatever you need advice about, I'm here. So what are you waiting for? Shoot me an e-mail, and I can have this blog updated regularly.

Also, I'll be playing around with some hardware and software trying to come up with a new design. I've also been thinking of new features to keep things interesting. This should be fun.

Inappropriate boss is inappropriate

Today's post is long.  Deal with it.

Hey [Miss Know-It-All]!

Lately I’ve been noticing that my boss at work, (actually my boss’ boss, he’s the VP of the company I work for) has been winking at me, making sure to say hi to me from across the room, walking by and saying “pssst” to get me to look up, where he’ll then say hi and wink at me, little things like that that make me feel it’s a bit more then friendly, you know? I’ve also fantasized about sleeping with him, and it’s always hot. The man is an attractive dude, and would be someone I would be interested in going on a date with… if he weren’t married with kids…. and the VP of my company.

I don’t know what started first, the dreams or the flirtiness, and it doesn’t matter really. How do I a) stop fantasizing about him, because I don’t like that I have sex dreams about a married guy and b) figure out if the little flirty stuff is just him being over-friendly or him actually trying to flirt with me. The flirtiness is always at work, and during work hours. Once I ran into him at the pizza store down the street at lunch when he was with another staff member, and he seemed a little flirty then. :T

I’ve been at the company for over 2 years now and barely speak to the big boss dude because I’m a lowly peon, so this is a relatively new thing, and one that I don’t reciprocate aside from saying hello. If it is flirty stuff on his part then I might have to switch jobs or avoid him because cheating is never cool and I want no part of it. I’ve been out of the dating world for a while now, so I’m not 100% confident my reading of the situation is accurate, which is where you come in.

Please help! I can’t tell my friend, because he’s the assistant manager at the same company, and I really don’t know what to do. I try to stop the dreams but once in a while it’ll waft back in and I feel horrible the next day. :(

tl:dr - I think my boss is flirting with me and I have sex dreams about him, against my better judgement, and need advice on how to ameliorate the situation.

-Doesn’t want to be the “other woman”

 Dear DWTBTOA,

For what it's worth, it does look like low-key flirting.  If he just wants to be friendly, there are other ways to do it.  Whatever Mr VP's intentions are, his actions are inappropriate, and as he has made it up to such a high position in the company, I assume he has been in the working world long enough to know that winking can be read in such a way.  You are right not to return any of his attention.  It'll only encourage him.  

Before you run, see if it's just something that will stop as suddenly as it started.  If the behavior continues, an anonymous complaint to Human Resources about his inappropriate actions toward an employee could help.  If there are other women in the office he does that to (look around and see if anyone else is getting the same attention), that makes it even harder for him to guess who filed the complaint.

The sex dreams are no big deal as long as they remain dreams and nothing more.  If you know that you just can't help yourself if he comes on strong enough, then it would be advisable to work elsewhere.  If the dreams really bother you, you might want to try to see what you think about before you fall asleep and if it's mostly him, try to get your mind on something else--something complicated enough to keep your mind on it, but not so complicated that you can't fall asleep.  If that doesn't work, a therapist (or the many dreamers on the internet) can supply you with more methods to stop the dreams.

 --Miss Know-It-All

Watch that first step. It's a doozy!

I have a hell of a first question for this blog.  Let's see what I can do for this one.

Dear Miss Know-It-All,

My girlfriend and I started dating about 3 months ago. We had both come out of bad relationships with men over the previous year, so we wanted to take things slow and make sure neither of us were rebounding. It has been 3 months of regular snuggling, kissing, holding hands, and being generally adorable, and I care about her a great deal. She’s been willing to “play” with me, but when I try to return the favor she gets shy, and doesn’t want me to. I’m fine with giving her more time, but I’m also really nervous that we’re going to fall into a routine of no sex. I have heard of Lesbian Bed Death, and would rather not experience it before I get any Lesbian Bed Life!

Thanks,
~Lovin’ the Ladies

Dear Lovin',

First of all, I just got here, and you throw out a hard question like that?  What's wrong with you?  Bitch.

Second, this problem is not going to be solved unless you talk to her directly.  I have some guesses as to why she doesn't let you touch her, but nothing is going to change if you don't actually communicate.  After that, you can address your concerns about it and maybe take your sex life to a new level.

As for things to consider, there are plenty of reasons she might be shy about being touched.  It's possible that she's just not used to receiving.  Or maybe she's ultra-sensitive.  She could just not enjoy sex but be fine with giving.  Unfortunately, since I don't know the exact reason, I can't tell you how to change the situation.  When she tells you the reason, let me know, and we'll see where to proceed from there.

--Miss Know-It-All